Meet Noel Johnson
Hello, my name is Noel. I grew up in a loving Christian home. My parents constantly tell me about God’s love for me and His son Jesus, who died for the world. From a young age, I knew my Bible well; but knowing your Bible doesn’t mean you know God on a relational level.
I moved a few times when I was younger, ending up at four elementary schools before making it through one middle school. Because of that I knew how to handle change and say goodbye, and got really good at being what people wanted me to be. I always cared more about how people viewed me than how I viewed myself. This led to jealousy, emptiness and the longing to be fully known.
It wasn’t until I moved halfway through third grade from Texas to South Carolina that things changed for me. I accepted the fact that nowhere would be home and that I would never get a chance to stay long enough for people to know me fully. However, that’s when God started to move in my heart. The only constant thing that stayed during the move in my third grade year was God.
I was sitting on the floor of my room and began to pray. I told God I wanted to know Him and that I believed in the unconditional love He displayed at the cross. I saw my need for a Savior, and that my sin was too big to handle on my own. I also started to realize that God is the friend we can never lose and who will never leave us. No matter if I mess up, Jesus forgives me and sees me fully.
Being a kid who wanted so desperately to be fully known, Jesus was the answer to all my heart's desires. With the security I felt in my relationship with Jesus grew my confidence. I no longer sought the approval of others, and jealousy no longer ruled my thoughts. I started to wholeheartedly seek a relationship with God.
However, as a new believer, Satan quickly made his move to try and keep me from growing closer to God. He twisted the way that I thought and what my parents had told me since I was a little kid. My parents had pushed me to be there for other people, whether that was at church with a new person or just someone who was hurting. They always pushed me to be the best I could be and to love others well.
But in my young mind the devil told me that I was always supposed to be the one okay when others weren’t. But I was constantly surrounded by people who weren’t okay, so I thought that no one needed to hear my problems. I still talked to God about my problems, but I was missing the community I needed.
That’s when God placed my best friend into my life. I met Irelyn only days before her dad died, and God used the hardest moments in Irelyn’s life to bring us together. Both Irelyn and I were seeking hard after the Lord and encouraging one another in our walk with Christ. I had never had a relationship on this kind of spiritual level before. God had answered my prayers to have community, and Irelyn was always a constant friend there to encourage me and push me closer to God.
Another turning point in my faith was at her dad’s funeral. Mrs. Wendy, Irelyn's mom, had her hands in the air worshiping the Lord even after the loss of her husband. Both Irelyn’s and Mrs. Wendy’s faith was what I wanted in my life. With a new passion for the Lord, I wanted to get baptized as an outward declaration of an inward change that shows my belief in God's grace.
God started to move through me at school and church, I started to lead Bible studies and sing for the student band. I had hit a spiritual high, and to be honest, I had everything I could have ever asked for - I had a caring community, I was known by God and others, and I was surrounded by a loving family.
I soon started to see that I was simply falling into a rhythm with my life, and each day looked the same. I started to pray and ask God if He would break me out of the cycle so that I could keep growing, and in my last year of middle school my dad came into my room and asked if I wanted to move back to Texas. I knew I had to say yes. God had answered a prayer I had been praying for a long time. Although I knew I was going to lose a lot, I also knew that through this I could gain so much more.
There were many hard conversations to be had, especially with Irelyn. After going on a walk and talking with God, I had accepted the move, and my motto quickly became: if one person comes to know Christ through this, then it will all be worth it. My ability to look on the bright side hadn’t been dulled, but it was about to.
Only days later, my brother was diagnosed with cancer. For the first time in my life, I was asking God why. As someone who always saw the good, this was devastating. The brokenness of the world was heavy on my optimistic heart. Not only was the light inside me flickering, but all the people around me were gone.
When we got to Texas, I had no one to talk to about the pain and the questions I had. My mom was at the hospital with my brother, my dad was getting set in his new job, my oldest brother was heading off to college, and my little brothers seemed to be doing just fine. Keeping everything inside was exhausting - but I kept telling myself that if I didn’t, I would be a burden to the people who needed me to be strong. As the one who was always there for others, I wasn’t sure how to ask for help.
This turned me to God, and I would spend most of my nights crying and asking Him to listen to me. When so many prayers felt unanswered, I became angry - this feeling was so foreign to me. I was scared of who I was and hated who I was becoming. I no longer saw the good and quickly learned to assume the worst, but what scared me the most was how distant I was from God while yet being so close. I was talking to Him and reading my Bible daily, but I wanted what I thought was best and was blind to what God thought was best for my life. It wasn't God's absence; it was my failure to notice where He was leading me.
I thought that if I could help other people who were hurting, my pain would go away. I was so focused on my motto of one soul coming to know Christ that I forgot about my own. I was so focused on others, but God just wanted me to be still and to be loved by those around me - God wanted my full dependence to be on Him.
Of course I didn’t realize a lot of this until I was in the Dominican Republic two summers ago on a mission trip. I had felt like I shouldn’t be going because of my anger and questions towards God, but God placed the right people in my life to listen. Finally I was heard, and God placed those people in my life to tell me I was living by impossible standards. To tell me no matter how much of the world I tried to fix, it would always be broken and leave me just the same.
That night I knew God had heard my prayers. I laid aside my bitterness and anger, and with that gone the flame in my heart started to flicker back to life. This year God has answered many more prayers and taught me valuable lessons. He opened my eyes, showing me that being there for others and making an impact doesn’t work when we are trying to be OUR best, but rather when we are real with GOD’S best. This has helped me cultivate relationships that are driving me and others closer to Christ.
I then realized it is within the fire that we are refined - I wanted to get back to my old self but we don’t come out of the fire the same, we come out stronger. Yes, the brokenness of the world is more evident, but that only makes God’s grace even more understandable and meaningful. My story won’t be over for a while, but I already know it ends with God, and everything in the middle will be used for His glory.
I want to leave you with this verse. Psalm 51:17, “The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. God, You will not despise a broken and humbled heart.” God wants to meet you where you are. There is no sin He cannot handle. No anger He can’t turn to joy. There is no brokenness He would look past. And there is no burden that He cannot free you from.
I moved a few times when I was younger, ending up at four elementary schools before making it through one middle school. Because of that I knew how to handle change and say goodbye, and got really good at being what people wanted me to be. I always cared more about how people viewed me than how I viewed myself. This led to jealousy, emptiness and the longing to be fully known.
It wasn’t until I moved halfway through third grade from Texas to South Carolina that things changed for me. I accepted the fact that nowhere would be home and that I would never get a chance to stay long enough for people to know me fully. However, that’s when God started to move in my heart. The only constant thing that stayed during the move in my third grade year was God.
I was sitting on the floor of my room and began to pray. I told God I wanted to know Him and that I believed in the unconditional love He displayed at the cross. I saw my need for a Savior, and that my sin was too big to handle on my own. I also started to realize that God is the friend we can never lose and who will never leave us. No matter if I mess up, Jesus forgives me and sees me fully.
Being a kid who wanted so desperately to be fully known, Jesus was the answer to all my heart's desires. With the security I felt in my relationship with Jesus grew my confidence. I no longer sought the approval of others, and jealousy no longer ruled my thoughts. I started to wholeheartedly seek a relationship with God.
However, as a new believer, Satan quickly made his move to try and keep me from growing closer to God. He twisted the way that I thought and what my parents had told me since I was a little kid. My parents had pushed me to be there for other people, whether that was at church with a new person or just someone who was hurting. They always pushed me to be the best I could be and to love others well.
But in my young mind the devil told me that I was always supposed to be the one okay when others weren’t. But I was constantly surrounded by people who weren’t okay, so I thought that no one needed to hear my problems. I still talked to God about my problems, but I was missing the community I needed.
That’s when God placed my best friend into my life. I met Irelyn only days before her dad died, and God used the hardest moments in Irelyn’s life to bring us together. Both Irelyn and I were seeking hard after the Lord and encouraging one another in our walk with Christ. I had never had a relationship on this kind of spiritual level before. God had answered my prayers to have community, and Irelyn was always a constant friend there to encourage me and push me closer to God.
Another turning point in my faith was at her dad’s funeral. Mrs. Wendy, Irelyn's mom, had her hands in the air worshiping the Lord even after the loss of her husband. Both Irelyn’s and Mrs. Wendy’s faith was what I wanted in my life. With a new passion for the Lord, I wanted to get baptized as an outward declaration of an inward change that shows my belief in God's grace.
God started to move through me at school and church, I started to lead Bible studies and sing for the student band. I had hit a spiritual high, and to be honest, I had everything I could have ever asked for - I had a caring community, I was known by God and others, and I was surrounded by a loving family.
I soon started to see that I was simply falling into a rhythm with my life, and each day looked the same. I started to pray and ask God if He would break me out of the cycle so that I could keep growing, and in my last year of middle school my dad came into my room and asked if I wanted to move back to Texas. I knew I had to say yes. God had answered a prayer I had been praying for a long time. Although I knew I was going to lose a lot, I also knew that through this I could gain so much more.
There were many hard conversations to be had, especially with Irelyn. After going on a walk and talking with God, I had accepted the move, and my motto quickly became: if one person comes to know Christ through this, then it will all be worth it. My ability to look on the bright side hadn’t been dulled, but it was about to.
Only days later, my brother was diagnosed with cancer. For the first time in my life, I was asking God why. As someone who always saw the good, this was devastating. The brokenness of the world was heavy on my optimistic heart. Not only was the light inside me flickering, but all the people around me were gone.
When we got to Texas, I had no one to talk to about the pain and the questions I had. My mom was at the hospital with my brother, my dad was getting set in his new job, my oldest brother was heading off to college, and my little brothers seemed to be doing just fine. Keeping everything inside was exhausting - but I kept telling myself that if I didn’t, I would be a burden to the people who needed me to be strong. As the one who was always there for others, I wasn’t sure how to ask for help.
This turned me to God, and I would spend most of my nights crying and asking Him to listen to me. When so many prayers felt unanswered, I became angry - this feeling was so foreign to me. I was scared of who I was and hated who I was becoming. I no longer saw the good and quickly learned to assume the worst, but what scared me the most was how distant I was from God while yet being so close. I was talking to Him and reading my Bible daily, but I wanted what I thought was best and was blind to what God thought was best for my life. It wasn't God's absence; it was my failure to notice where He was leading me.
I thought that if I could help other people who were hurting, my pain would go away. I was so focused on my motto of one soul coming to know Christ that I forgot about my own. I was so focused on others, but God just wanted me to be still and to be loved by those around me - God wanted my full dependence to be on Him.
Of course I didn’t realize a lot of this until I was in the Dominican Republic two summers ago on a mission trip. I had felt like I shouldn’t be going because of my anger and questions towards God, but God placed the right people in my life to listen. Finally I was heard, and God placed those people in my life to tell me I was living by impossible standards. To tell me no matter how much of the world I tried to fix, it would always be broken and leave me just the same.
That night I knew God had heard my prayers. I laid aside my bitterness and anger, and with that gone the flame in my heart started to flicker back to life. This year God has answered many more prayers and taught me valuable lessons. He opened my eyes, showing me that being there for others and making an impact doesn’t work when we are trying to be OUR best, but rather when we are real with GOD’S best. This has helped me cultivate relationships that are driving me and others closer to Christ.
I then realized it is within the fire that we are refined - I wanted to get back to my old self but we don’t come out of the fire the same, we come out stronger. Yes, the brokenness of the world is more evident, but that only makes God’s grace even more understandable and meaningful. My story won’t be over for a while, but I already know it ends with God, and everything in the middle will be used for His glory.
I want to leave you with this verse. Psalm 51:17, “The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. God, You will not despise a broken and humbled heart.” God wants to meet you where you are. There is no sin He cannot handle. No anger He can’t turn to joy. There is no brokenness He would look past. And there is no burden that He cannot free you from.
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