Meet Ashley Gilman
Meet Ashley Gilman
Hi, I’m Ashley Gilman. I have a new life in Christ, and I struggle with pride, judgment, and gossip. That was difficult to say the first time I went to Re:Generation, but it is much harder to admit to the whole church. However, if I’ve learned anything during Re:Gen, it’s that confession is a powerful tool to bring us closer to God and to each other. I don’t think I could get through this program without the support of my community of women and mentor, who have been vital in growing my relationship with Jesus. During step 3 (Trust), I was really struggling with the fact that I could rarely feel God’s presence. My mentor pointed me to 1 Kings 19:11-14, which says:
"So He said, 'Go forth and stand on the mountain before the LORD.' And behold, the LORD was passing by! And a great and strong wind was rending the mountains and breaking in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of a gentle blowing. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. And behold, a voice came to him and said, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'”
This shows me that God isn’t only with me when I can feel the tingling of my heart; instead, even when I can’t feel Him, He is there. A few weeks later, my group of loving women in Re:Gen helped me get over my anxiety of praying aloud for fear of judgment. Although this journey has been hard, my relationship with Jesus has blossomed. I feel that, no matter how many times I stumble or fall, which is often, I have a God who will always help me grow closer to Him through the process.
I mentioned earlier that pride is one of my struggles, and it has been a persistent one. I’ve discovered that one of the biggest themes of my life is the recurring cycle in which I think I know what is best for me, I do not get what I wanted, and then God gives me something a thousand times better. For example, my freshman year of college, I applied for many different organizations. There was one that I didn’t really want, but I applied for it anyway as a fallback option. Guess which one I got into! It seems like a small and silly thing, but I was mad that God wouldn’t give me the desires of my heart like the Bible says He will. I skipped the first meeting to show God that I was rebelling against His plan, but something told me I needed to join the second meeting. A year later, I met my husband in the very same organization that I resented. And he has been the biggest blessing from the Lord. Through experiences like this, I am learning to trust in His ways more than mine each and every day.
Today, I am a high school teacher, and I have definitely experienced feelings of anxiety about returning back to school. My only comfort is in knowing that His plan is the best one.
"So He said, 'Go forth and stand on the mountain before the LORD.' And behold, the LORD was passing by! And a great and strong wind was rending the mountains and breaking in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of a gentle blowing. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. And behold, a voice came to him and said, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'”
This shows me that God isn’t only with me when I can feel the tingling of my heart; instead, even when I can’t feel Him, He is there. A few weeks later, my group of loving women in Re:Gen helped me get over my anxiety of praying aloud for fear of judgment. Although this journey has been hard, my relationship with Jesus has blossomed. I feel that, no matter how many times I stumble or fall, which is often, I have a God who will always help me grow closer to Him through the process.
I mentioned earlier that pride is one of my struggles, and it has been a persistent one. I’ve discovered that one of the biggest themes of my life is the recurring cycle in which I think I know what is best for me, I do not get what I wanted, and then God gives me something a thousand times better. For example, my freshman year of college, I applied for many different organizations. There was one that I didn’t really want, but I applied for it anyway as a fallback option. Guess which one I got into! It seems like a small and silly thing, but I was mad that God wouldn’t give me the desires of my heart like the Bible says He will. I skipped the first meeting to show God that I was rebelling against His plan, but something told me I needed to join the second meeting. A year later, I met my husband in the very same organization that I resented. And he has been the biggest blessing from the Lord. Through experiences like this, I am learning to trust in His ways more than mine each and every day.
Today, I am a high school teacher, and I have definitely experienced feelings of anxiety about returning back to school. My only comfort is in knowing that His plan is the best one.
Posted in Faces of Faith